On the Topic of Sex...

Fornicating. Doinking. Humping. Bumping Uglies. Whatever you call it, sex is a prevalent part of our society that doesn’t get talked about very much. Sure it’s used to sell everything from deodorant to television shows to fast food. But rarely are myths actually deconstructed. Recently the Ontario Education minister will be pushing to implement better and earlier sex education in schools. Apparently the kids just don’t get it – while getting it. Having just experienced two sections of grade nine sex ed. From the teacher’s perspective, I will concur with the education minister. Sitting through that class was simultaneously the funniest and most disturbing 75 minutes of my day. It was analogous to Bill Cosby’s “Kids Say the Darndest Things,” but with older, uglier and dirtier kids. There was a similar trend of blurting out what popped into their heads and a lack of thought-out responses and questions. Perhaps some of the blame rests in the education system. Perhaps some teachers do not feel very comfortable talking about penises, vaginas and what they do together. I would also like to, pardon the expression, finger the parents as not doing their part at home. Many parents for some reason cannot talk to their children about how it is they were created, and pass off important questions to teachers. One student in the class said that he went home and asked his mother a question relating to condoms and she sent him to his room. This is an example of “not helping to further your child in the world.” I would like to pass along some of the questions, comments and answers heard in the class, in the hopes that it might shock parents into discussing the matter with their kids and perhaps saving them the embarrassment of saying these things in public.
Q- What must be taken three days after unprotected sex? A- “Condom”
Q- When you have a vasectomy, what tube is cut? A- “The Anal Tube”
During a discussion about sheepskin condoms – “I don’t want to use that! A sheep’s pooh was in there!”
“Would it work if you just took Saran Wrap and tied it off at the end with an elastic and put lube on?”
“They make condoms out of latex? Don’t they make balloons out of latex? So couldn’t.....you know.....just use a balloon?”
“Couldn’t you just cut up a regular sponge?”
“When I think of breasts, I think of chicken!”
"If you whack off too much do your balls shrivel up?"
This was but a small sampling of the mind-bending questions the average Physical and Health Educator encounters in grade nine sex education. Good for the kids for asking and clarifying their misconceptions before they make a mistake. However, parents, do your offspring a favour and be open to discussion on this topic. Please explain the difference between a tampon’s function and birth control because they don’t know. But then again, based on some of the kids, maybe the parents don’t know the answer either.

New Site

Goodbye to Virutal Glen. Say Hello to...

http://glentheintern.com/

see ya there

Glen.Concepts.Inc.

Teach Your Children Well

Oh, the rejuvenating quality of nature! An invigorating dose of the wild does much to ease the weary work-trodden soul. It is a shame that these doses come too few and far in-between for the majority of us. Certainly I do not need to preach to the readership choir, but I will stress some points about camping. Perhaps just to remind ourselves of the privilege and responsibility we have as trippers.
Allowing ourselves to step outside the confines of our “little boxes” as Pete Seeger would describe them, allows us to truly experience the best that this world has to offer. The greatest thing is that the best that this world has to offer is closer than you think. We generally travel arguably minuscule distances to camp relative to the enormity of the Earth. But what can be experienced there is hands on learning, face to face interacting and jaw dropping appreciation of the world in which we wished we live. A personal awakening that can trump a visit to the local parish.
I believe that we have a responsibility to teach children the same. Remove them from the confines of the house, the car, the traditional school and allow them to feel the intensity of life. The last words I will give to Tom Brown Jr. who has made a life out of teaching the outdoors. “If you are going to the beach, the woods, the swamps, or the wilderness, really get into it, roll in it, and get rid of all protection that will separate you from fully appreciating where you are. Become alive, not removed and insulated, and teach your children to do the same.”

Peter.Concepts.Inc.

Sneaks

From the Nibblet’s next door, to the Ancient Greeks,
The lowest lows, on the highest peaks,
Classy lassies, wise guys and freaks,
They all know of the one called Sneaks.

Sneaks sneaks around, he always does.
Sneaks speaks a tongue which no one quit knows
And shrieks are yelped wherever Sneaks goes.

Sneaks reeks? No, his hygiene is fair.
Sneaks cheeks are furry; he’s got face hair.
He’s meek and friendly, there’s no reason to scare.

The shrieks are made cause Sneaks sneaks so sneaksily
(Techniques passed down by the sneaksy Sneaks family)

For just one-week Sneaks sneaks,
Just in seek
Of a tasty taste, or even a peek
Of a cheesy cheese chunk or several circle meats
Which seems to make sneaky Sneaks so weak.

And when Sneaks’ cheeks are about pre-leak
Sneaks nods, squeaks and streaks down the streets.
Sneakily Sneaks sneaks past the people Sneaks meets.
Sneaks sneaks past the geeks and freaks and sheiks.
Past Dominique,
Past Zeke,
Past Monique
And Tariq.
Right out of town, Sneaks sneaked here all week!

Sneaks sneaks out into the forest, sneaks over the creek,
Sneaks stops, takes a breath, Sneaks looks rather bleak.
But with a sneaky Sneaks smile, his face fur he tweaks,
Then for 51 weeks, Sneaks sleeps.
And sleeps.
And sleeps.

Scott.Concepts.Inc.

Franks Road Cross Promotion

Greetings all,
Just wanted to do a little cross promotion for the Concepts.Inc. signed band, Franks Road. They have a new website up in which you can actually stream their songs online, check out when and where their next show is, view pictures and video of the band, read their own band blog. FR will be recording this summer, and have and aim to have an official first disc out by september. In the band's own words, "the others were rambling warm ups for this one."
Heres the link, and I have conveniently placed a permanent link on the side bar.
www.myspace.com/franksroad

Happy Listening,

Glen.Concepts.Inc.

Littlest Hobos Make the Best Hobos

Everyone who’s awesome remembers ‘The Littlest Hobo.’ For those people that aren’t awesome, it was a show about a drifter dog that happily trotted to his upbeat theme song from town to town, solving whatever local crime or mystery happened to be pressing at the time. If Lassie and C.S.I. decided to make some babies the Littlest Hobo would definitely be one of them. The point of this article, however, is not self-indulgent nostalgia but rather to point out the glaring misconceptions that this show instilled in so many.

There are some overwhelming differences between the Littlest Hobo and actual hobos that should be noted. The Littlest Hobo was a dog; real hobos are usually people. The Littlest Hobo was helpful to the communities he visited; real hobos soil the communities they visit and regularly try and steal pies from windowsills. The Littlest Hobo could communicate through a series of barks and whimpers; real hobos communicate through a series of garbled yells and spitting. The Littlest Hobo would often be given food and a place to stay; real hobos have to eat old boots and live under overpasses. I could go on. The point is that, although the show provided us with many lessons and a strong moral foundation, it puts viewers in a dangerous situation should they encounter and actual hobo and try to pet him or ask him to help solve the mystery of Grampa Jenkin’s treasure.

Ross.Concepts.Inc.

Pocket Sized Transport

Here's a revolutionary idea that any eager entrepreneur could scoop up and patent. How many times do you wish you had a fresh snack on your person when you’re feeling a little peckish? Solution: Zip-Lock Lined pockets. Installed right into your pants, this will allow you to transport fresh food around with you all day. No more stale croissants, now you can enjoy the soft buttery taste as if it just came out of the oven….minus the heat factor. The pockets will inevitably work best as side cargo pockets to ensure the least amount of crushage during your day-to-day activities. Say goodbye to yoghurt tubes, granola bars and cheese strings. Say hello to pizza, cheese chunks, delicious salami, tater tots, fresh peach slices, cooked ham, and upside down pineapple cake. You will never take on the go snacking so lightly again.

Peter.Concepts.Inc.