On the Topic of Sex...

Fornicating. Doinking. Humping. Bumping Uglies. Whatever you call it, sex is a prevalent part of our society that doesn’t get talked about very much. Sure it’s used to sell everything from deodorant to television shows to fast food. But rarely are myths actually deconstructed. Recently the Ontario Education minister will be pushing to implement better and earlier sex education in schools. Apparently the kids just don’t get it – while getting it. Having just experienced two sections of grade nine sex ed. From the teacher’s perspective, I will concur with the education minister. Sitting through that class was simultaneously the funniest and most disturbing 75 minutes of my day. It was analogous to Bill Cosby’s “Kids Say the Darndest Things,” but with older, uglier and dirtier kids. There was a similar trend of blurting out what popped into their heads and a lack of thought-out responses and questions. Perhaps some of the blame rests in the education system. Perhaps some teachers do not feel very comfortable talking about penises, vaginas and what they do together. I would also like to, pardon the expression, finger the parents as not doing their part at home. Many parents for some reason cannot talk to their children about how it is they were created, and pass off important questions to teachers. One student in the class said that he went home and asked his mother a question relating to condoms and she sent him to his room. This is an example of “not helping to further your child in the world.” I would like to pass along some of the questions, comments and answers heard in the class, in the hopes that it might shock parents into discussing the matter with their kids and perhaps saving them the embarrassment of saying these things in public.
Q- What must be taken three days after unprotected sex? A- “Condom”
Q- When you have a vasectomy, what tube is cut? A- “The Anal Tube”
During a discussion about sheepskin condoms – “I don’t want to use that! A sheep’s pooh was in there!”
“Would it work if you just took Saran Wrap and tied it off at the end with an elastic and put lube on?”
“They make condoms out of latex? Don’t they make balloons out of latex? So couldn’t.....you know.....just use a balloon?”
“Couldn’t you just cut up a regular sponge?”
“When I think of breasts, I think of chicken!”
"If you whack off too much do your balls shrivel up?"
This was but a small sampling of the mind-bending questions the average Physical and Health Educator encounters in grade nine sex education. Good for the kids for asking and clarifying their misconceptions before they make a mistake. However, parents, do your offspring a favour and be open to discussion on this topic. Please explain the difference between a tampon’s function and birth control because they don’t know. But then again, based on some of the kids, maybe the parents don’t know the answer either.